What story am I telling, is it the one I want to share or the one I think you want me to?
Ok, it's more the latter than the former but I'm entirely certain my story wasn't one worth sharing...err... living... in front of everyone for most of my years here. No, I'm not referring to some bout of depression, rather, I'm inclined to believe it has everything to do with the question 'what am I supposed to be doing'.
My purpose is to be loved by God. My destiny is to have an unadultered relationship with God. But I feel like there is a problem. I have desires. I have passions. I'm impulsive when it comes to adventure. I both crave friends and to have my space. I find art and orchestration in nearly everything and everyone. I think deeply about what you say to me. I don't know how all this fits in.
So abrupt change in direction: are the effects we have created based on free will or predestination. I don't know. And I think, because like you who are reading this, I haven't arrived at my destination yet.(Zombies, please comment below) Be warned, I don't imagine that this destination is a resting, stationary place. Merely, a notable moment of transition into the next adventure. So for me that would somehow be an increase in the relationship with my Creator. I now exist in the confines of my understanding through experiences as His creation. But If I am 'remain in Him and He in me' (John15:5) I must at some point be removed from the finite and placed into the infinite. A sort birth I guess is what I'm describing.
Story. No one reads a boring story. Ok some do. It's easier to consider my friends. The people I call my greatest friends I can't wait to be around. I have this friend, Josh, and I don't see or talk to him often. I haven't spoken with him in years. But I'm excited, near giddy, at the thought of hanging out together. Honesty: getting a little emotional about it. He stands out. He too is a Jesus follower. I am still following Jesus because I've been friends with Josh. Josh is unapologetically himself in every regard. I mean that as compliment in the highest.
But why am I drawn to him? His story is his. He's writing it on his own. Sure others have come along side and said "I think you should... because...". Always, he respectfully declines. I think he's left quite a few Jesus followers befuddled in his wake. He didn't really care for following Jesus and wedging himself into a life that other pious folk happily adopt. As I have known Josh, I don't believe that makes his destination in this life any different than them. He let his passions and desires be part of following Jesus.
Over simplification. If I subject myself to a set of rules I am predestined to an end. I'm going to use following Jesus as an example. Jesus gave a set of commands/rules to follow for His followers. He said "If you love me keep my commands." -John 14:15 Recently, I dug into some of the greek for Jesus commands to us. When He talked about these commands His concern wasn't rule keeping and adherences to new traditions. His mind was on the end result: Us with Him. The branch grafted into The Vine. The created at one with the Creator. Purpose fulfilled. Do you find this appealing or maybe even exciting? Are you thinking as I am, that there must be room for those passions and desires that weigh so heavy on my mind after a long, stressful, joyless day?
Jesus subjected Himself to a set of rules: the will of His Father. And from what I see, He didn't remove a single bit of Himself from the process. Could that possibly be why I find Jesus appealing in the first place? Jesus accomplished His Fathers will, fulfilled the old covenant law and created a wake doing it.
There's nothing surprising about what happens if I follow the rules. It's, rather, uninspiring getting to the end. But when I've allowed my strengths... those passions... to take root, bring some free will choices into the mix, it captures not only my attention but those near me.
We get off track but it's not a disqualifier. I don't have an all encompassing explanation but I do know the people I've come to know know where they're going and have no qualm with being themselves along the way. It's what makes a good story right? Paul the Apostle in 1 Corinthians 10:23, I'll paraphrase "All things are permissible but not all are beneficial". We have free will but there are going to be consequences for some actions I choose. To me it kind of feels like running head first into the unknown. But I'm impulsive when it comes to adventure. Jesus knows this and I can't resist. I am certain, however, that there is a choice to make.*
Will you let me encourage you? Give yourself room to get it right. Be gracious on yourself. Because you know yourself best sometimes you can be your harshest critic. (1 John 3:20)
"I have come that you might have life and have it abundantly." John 10:10
Broken Legacy
"The standard had been set and preparations had been made for the inheritance. The path ahead had been cleared, the end of the journey revealed before steps had been tread. The means by which the ends compile had been designed and defined for all to follow. Narrow, straight, safe, secured, unique, unrivaled. The destination awaits; the source of full life to which we aspire. The wellspring of truth, begetting hope and desire. A network into which we all have been planted with the intention to flourish and bear fruit. The allure of self-reliance and indulgence of desire led to the separation from the network of design. Withered and frail, thirsty for life; but I've severed my roots, leaving my vine dying. Isolated, unattached from the truth, consuming myself, unable to bear fruit. I've chosen to walk away from the birthright of my name. All that was set before me now seems impossible to attain.
The source still remains and awaits for the broken branch to be re-grafted."
-Aletheian (Dying Vine 2005)
*Even when doubt abounds and certainties elude.
Ok, it's more the latter than the former but I'm entirely certain my story wasn't one worth sharing...err... living... in front of everyone for most of my years here. No, I'm not referring to some bout of depression, rather, I'm inclined to believe it has everything to do with the question 'what am I supposed to be doing'.
My purpose is to be loved by God. My destiny is to have an unadultered relationship with God. But I feel like there is a problem. I have desires. I have passions. I'm impulsive when it comes to adventure. I both crave friends and to have my space. I find art and orchestration in nearly everything and everyone. I think deeply about what you say to me. I don't know how all this fits in.
So abrupt change in direction: are the effects we have created based on free will or predestination. I don't know. And I think, because like you who are reading this, I haven't arrived at my destination yet.(Zombies, please comment below) Be warned, I don't imagine that this destination is a resting, stationary place. Merely, a notable moment of transition into the next adventure. So for me that would somehow be an increase in the relationship with my Creator. I now exist in the confines of my understanding through experiences as His creation. But If I am 'remain in Him and He in me' (John15:5) I must at some point be removed from the finite and placed into the infinite. A sort birth I guess is what I'm describing.
Story. No one reads a boring story. Ok some do. It's easier to consider my friends. The people I call my greatest friends I can't wait to be around. I have this friend, Josh, and I don't see or talk to him often. I haven't spoken with him in years. But I'm excited, near giddy, at the thought of hanging out together. Honesty: getting a little emotional about it. He stands out. He too is a Jesus follower. I am still following Jesus because I've been friends with Josh. Josh is unapologetically himself in every regard. I mean that as compliment in the highest.
But why am I drawn to him? His story is his. He's writing it on his own. Sure others have come along side and said "I think you should... because...". Always, he respectfully declines. I think he's left quite a few Jesus followers befuddled in his wake. He didn't really care for following Jesus and wedging himself into a life that other pious folk happily adopt. As I have known Josh, I don't believe that makes his destination in this life any different than them. He let his passions and desires be part of following Jesus.
Over simplification. If I subject myself to a set of rules I am predestined to an end. I'm going to use following Jesus as an example. Jesus gave a set of commands/rules to follow for His followers. He said "If you love me keep my commands." -John 14:15 Recently, I dug into some of the greek for Jesus commands to us. When He talked about these commands His concern wasn't rule keeping and adherences to new traditions. His mind was on the end result: Us with Him. The branch grafted into The Vine. The created at one with the Creator. Purpose fulfilled. Do you find this appealing or maybe even exciting? Are you thinking as I am, that there must be room for those passions and desires that weigh so heavy on my mind after a long, stressful, joyless day?
Jesus subjected Himself to a set of rules: the will of His Father. And from what I see, He didn't remove a single bit of Himself from the process. Could that possibly be why I find Jesus appealing in the first place? Jesus accomplished His Fathers will, fulfilled the old covenant law and created a wake doing it.
There's nothing surprising about what happens if I follow the rules. It's, rather, uninspiring getting to the end. But when I've allowed my strengths... those passions... to take root, bring some free will choices into the mix, it captures not only my attention but those near me.
We get off track but it's not a disqualifier. I don't have an all encompassing explanation but I do know the people I've come to know know where they're going and have no qualm with being themselves along the way. It's what makes a good story right? Paul the Apostle in 1 Corinthians 10:23, I'll paraphrase "All things are permissible but not all are beneficial". We have free will but there are going to be consequences for some actions I choose. To me it kind of feels like running head first into the unknown. But I'm impulsive when it comes to adventure. Jesus knows this and I can't resist. I am certain, however, that there is a choice to make.*
Will you let me encourage you? Give yourself room to get it right. Be gracious on yourself. Because you know yourself best sometimes you can be your harshest critic. (1 John 3:20)
"I have come that you might have life and have it abundantly." John 10:10
Broken Legacy
"The standard had been set and preparations had been made for the inheritance. The path ahead had been cleared, the end of the journey revealed before steps had been tread. The means by which the ends compile had been designed and defined for all to follow. Narrow, straight, safe, secured, unique, unrivaled. The destination awaits; the source of full life to which we aspire. The wellspring of truth, begetting hope and desire. A network into which we all have been planted with the intention to flourish and bear fruit. The allure of self-reliance and indulgence of desire led to the separation from the network of design. Withered and frail, thirsty for life; but I've severed my roots, leaving my vine dying. Isolated, unattached from the truth, consuming myself, unable to bear fruit. I've chosen to walk away from the birthright of my name. All that was set before me now seems impossible to attain.
The source still remains and awaits for the broken branch to be re-grafted."
-Aletheian (Dying Vine 2005)
*Even when doubt abounds and certainties elude.